So I read this blog where people post notes to their future girlfriends/boyfriends, and it is quite interesting. Some of them are sweet, some are funny, some are risqué, some are lists of specific qualities they are looking for, some are describing like the perfect date they have planned. They are all different and I like to read them. I like to imagine that my future boyfriend has posted one of the sweet notes and is out there waiting for me.
But there is one aspect of these notes that I don’t agree with really. Most of the notes end with “I love you. Love, Me.” For some reason, it kind of bothers me that they say “I love you” to an abstract person that they haven’t met yet. Now some of the note-writers have met the person they are writing to and are crushing on them and hoping that one day the feeling will be mutual. Saying “I Love You” in that case is OK with me. But when you haven’t met yet? I just feel like how can you love someone you don’t even know yet?
Now I know what you are going to say, “But Emily! I’ve heard you say that you love Rupert Grint! You haven’t met him and yet you say love him!”
I guess I don’t “love” Rupert Grint. My infatuation with him was more a product of teenage fantasy. Do I think Rupert Grint will ever be my boyfriend? Nope. And honestly? I don’t think being his girlfriend would be that great. I mean getting chased by the paparazzi all the time doesn’t sound very romantic. So I guess I promise not to say that I love Rupert Grint anymore. I admire his acting. I think he’s attractive and funny. But I do not love him. Besides…having a crush is definitely different then loving someone.
Now I love many people at the moment and I love them for specific reasons. My parents? I love them because they gave me everything and more. My brother? I love him because he is funny and caring and helpful and cool. My family? I love them because no matter how long we are apart, we still come back together so well. My friends? I love them because they make me laugh and make my life more interesting. I even love inanimate things—like history and TCU and my car. Why? Because they have changed my life for the better. And of course I love Jesus because He is all of course.
But my future boyfriend(s)? Nope, I can’t say that I love him/them yet. Even if my future boyfriend is one of my current male friends, I wouldn’t say I love them yet. I love them as a friend, platonically. Not romantically. I can’t even say that I love any crushes I’ve had—I think love has to grow over time. I’m not a love-at-first-sight girl. Attraction at first sight? Sure. Love? No.
I was trying to think of another scenario that would make this easier to understand. The only thing that I could think of is my future children. I guess abstractly I love my future kids. It’s just so hard to imagine having kids right now. I mean I’m 21! But I’m sure when/if I get pregnant I’ll immediately love that baby the moment the strip turns pink. It’ll be no larger than a peanut, yet I’ll love it. But right now? If someone asked me “Do you love your future kids?” I’d say “No.” Does that make me a bad person? I hope not. I love the idea of having kids when I’m 30+. There’s an ad in the Target baby department with a red-haired baby and his mom and every time I walk by it I smile. I smile because hopefully one day it’ll be me giving a red-haired baby a bath. (I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this on Facebook, but my ovaries long for a red-haired baby really bad!) So do I love my kids right now? No. Will I someday? Absolutely. I want to be the best mom I can possibly be.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I love the idea, the potential, the dreams. Not the actual person yet.
So if I was going to write a note to my future boyfriend on the blog, it’d go like this:
Dear Future Boyfriend,
I can’t honestly say that I love YOU yet, but I do love the thought of you.
But I promise to fall in love with you while we date as long as you treat me well and like Harry Potter. Also I would prefer if you weren’t allergic to cats, as I plan to have at least 2.
Unfortunately, I do have two demands of you….you must be a Christian and you must have redheaded genes. Other than that? I’m cool. Oh sorry one more demand……you must always wear a belt if you need it. Baggy pants aren’t sexy.
Can’t wait to discuss literature with you!
Love (in a platonic way for now),